Monday, January 7, 2013


It's only started to slowly dawn on me that in about 11 weeks, after this pregnancy business, we're actually going to have a baby. An actual one, just like other people have. We've done so much work on the pregnancy - antenatal classes, research, healthy eating, telling people we're pregnant, getting advice from people we don't want advice from (i.e. anyone) - but the whole goal of the exercise is creating a tiny person who lives with you and is a part of your lives and becomes a surgeon and makes a pile of money and buys Daddy a new surfboard and a Bugatti for Christmas.

With a bit of thought into "after pregnancy", here's a few quick thoughts on how my life might be a bit different (besides the obvious - I know all you naysayers and drama queens are just gagging to tell me I've got no idea and it's all so hard and YOU DON'T GET ANY SLEEP AND YOU THINK YOU KNOW WHAT IT WILL BE LIKE BUT YOU CAN'T NEMO, YOU JUST CAN'T! but just try and relax for a minute, will ya?)

- I'm going to get into movies paying "adults at children's prices" which is awesome! Of course, I'll only be allowed to watch movies like Spy Kids 14, Giggle & Hoot Go To White Castle and The Wiggles: Jeff Collects A Pension After Suffering Narcolepsy For Nearly 20 Years.

- There's going to be a lot of poo. Con: stinky. Pro: Unrestricted license for poo jokes!

- Our child will continuously ask us why, until our brains are ready to implode... but on the plus side, I will be the omnipotent being of infinite wisdom and knowledge to our child. (Well, at least until they're 3 or 4 years old)

- Lego. You better believe we're buying all the Lego in every department store in the city. Lego time! Chuck the Xbox in the bin, it's time to construct Hogwarts out of plastic Danish squares! Lego Deathstar anyone?

- Kids love to dress up. Daddy loves to dress up! Match made in heaven.

- Water. Teaching our child to surf and to respect and enjoy the ocean could be one of the most compelling reasons for me to ever have kids. Maybe our kids won't be interested, but if they become as obsessed as we  have, we'll be passing on the infinite joy of feeling a wave's power propel them through a magical medium. Wow, that got a bit blousey... just go back to the poo jokes one.

In all seriousness, I still haven't actually processed the whole thing. I'm not sure you even CAN, until it's actually happened. Having a kid is surely like nothing else, so how do you prepare? I honestly believe that I'm just going to have to do what I do best... and wing it.

Here's a cool tidbit I just discovered: A baby can cry at a volume of up to 97dB... which is approximately the same volume as a Boeing 737 coming into land.


  1. 97dB?! Does that mean we need to wear earmuffs around the child during sustained crying incidents in order to comply with OSH requirements and avoid long term hearing damage?

    1. Yep! 8 straight hours of sustained baby shrieking would result in hearing damage!